“This is social anxiety.”

I lay in bed wide awake simply thinking about going to the doctor by myself. What are the people there going to think about me? They may think I look horrible without my makeup and hair done. But what if I do it? Then they’ll think I try too hard. But I can’t just go to the doctor looking like I just rolled out of bed! Wait, what if my makeup doesn’t look good that day? And what if one of the people whose wedding makeup I’m doing sees me with bad makeup and then they’ll cancel their appointment? Maybe I don’t need to go to the doctor. I’ll just cancel my appointment. I wake up the next day and grab my phone to call and cancel my appointment. I look up the number and dial it. All is well so far. But wait! Don’t press call yet. What if the person on the phone is rude? And what if they’re busy and they don’t have time to cancel my appointment? My mom won’t do it for me again. It’s just a phone call. Can’t I just email them instead? I guess I’ll just go to the doctor. I get to the Doctor’s office and lucky me! There’s a parking spot in the front right by the door. Stop! Don’t take the parking spot. That will draw attention to you. Those people can see you through the door and I bet they’ll be able to hear how loud your car is because you may or may not have skipped getting your car serviced last week because you were too scared to go. Park in the back. Wait- then you have to walk to the door and people have so much time to look at you until you make it in. I should’ve canceled, but if I leave now they’ve already seen me and that’s just awkward. I take the parking spot in the middle. I walk in. I’m here now. What’s stopping me? I walk to the front desk. They ask for my name and I give it to them. Oh no…now they know my name! Now everybody in this waiting room can look me up on Facebook and oh crap! They can see that embarrassing picture my best friend posted of me 6 years ago and they’ll think I’m crazy. I sit down. Of course everybody’s staring at me. What did I do wrong? This is my life on an everyday basis. This is social anxiety. This is what stops me from so many amazing opportunities. I have social anxiety but when I’m in a familiar situation with people I know I’m the loudest, craziest, most dramatic, and often times funniest in the room. It’s so often stereotyped that people with social anxiety are simply antisocial. While some forms of social anxiety can be so extreme that this is true, sometimes the people with social anxiety are the most social in the room. At school I’m loud and talk to everybody. I’m in a familiar place. I’m okay with doing that. But the doctor’s office? Well, you see how I react to that. I’ll help shatter this stereotype by doing the best I can to overcome my fears as well as let my bubbly personality shine through. Don’t get annoyed when your friend with social anxiety ask you to go with them to the doctor or even ask for you to call and cancel their appointment. On behalf of everybody with social anxiety, they’ll appreciate it. 

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Written by Sara Milliken 

Instagram @saraamilliken 

Makeup Instagram @saramillikenmakeup