Speaking at #loveyourselfie

I was humbled and honored to be asked for the second year in a row to speak at the Second Annual #loveyourselfie Seminar. This event focused on middle school and junior high school girls  in order to encourage confidence, ambition, and self-love. I was one among ten or so speakers that talked from the heart of personal experiences with self-esteem issues, stereotypes, and following and relying on God’s love. The common message for the girls seemed to be that we must find a support system rooted in God’s love that encourage us to be ourselves in order to ignire the pressures of our society and build our confidence. My persoanl favorite talk wcame from a young woman with a PhD in chemistry that works with NASA. She spoke after me, showing the girls that you do nit have to be trapped by society’s stereotypes. She was truly inspirational. 

You can read my speech below:

Hi y’all, my name is Abby Guy, and today I want to talk to you about stereotypes. According to Google, the definition of a stereotype is this: "a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing". Simplified, a stereotype is placing someone in a category based off of how society typically judges them due to a common characteristic such as gender, race, religion, appearance, or character trait. This can be things like, having an Asian girl in your class and automatically believing she will be the best at math, or thinking that the girly-girl that wears pink and dresses does not play sports. Stereotypes form according to views passed down by parents, ideas presented in the media, and peer interaction. This is generally a negative assumption that can be damaging to the person it is projected on. Unfortunately, because stereotypes are so widespread, most of the perpetrators of stereotypes are not even aware that they are doing it. Because we can only take in information from a single perspective, your own perspective, our opinions of the world around us are bound to be biased. This does not mean that there is no hope of shattering stereotypes and adopting a more open-minded view, but it does mean that education and discussion of stereotypes and their consequences is essential. Through this narrative, we can gain new insight on our neighbors and peers and grow in empathy to be able to see the world from another person’s view. But exactly why are stereotypes bad? Think back to elementary school when the teacher would ask "Can I have a strong boy help me move these textbooks to the shelf?" or something along that line. Half the boys in the class would jump up, puff out their chest, and saunter over to help, meanwhile the girls sat in their desks wondering why the job only called for a "strong boy". I know personally, I would get angry. I helped out around my house where my parents encouraged me to be strong and do things on my own, but when I came to school, a place that was supposed to teach me and mold me into a strong adult, I was discouraged and sectioned off by this stereotype that boys are strong and girls are not. Eventually, whenever I would have the opportunity to exhibit my capability and strength, I was hyper aware that I needed to complete the task perfectly so as not to reinforce the stereotype that only boys are strong. While this may seem like a small matter, it is only one example of how seemingly harmless actions propelled by stereotypes can harm those that the stereotype focuses on. My reaction to this stereotype is called a "stereotype threat". This occurs when a person that is at the focus of a stereotype attempts to succeed at a task related to the stereotype; the simple knowledge of the stereotype can more often than not negatively affect their performance, and therefore reinforce the stereotype. This can cause victims of stereotyping to feel like there is no escape. They will be trapped by this stereotype for their entire life, and they unfortunately begin believing it themselves. Since a young age until around seventh grade, I have been labeled as two things: fat and nerdy, and this is exactly how I felt: Boxed in. Trapped, by nothing more than the pressure of an idea. I had a stigma placed on me for no other reason than my appearance. This, unfortunately, is the power of a stereotype. These stereotypes said that because I was not considered the normal weight for my age, I did not care about my health and was extremely lazy, or because I was a nerd, I didn’t have any social skills and couldn’t make friends. I was isolated from my peers by their incorrect assumptions and how they expected me to behave, and I was not alone; my friends talk of their struggle with stereotypes about their gender, race, weight, religion, the list is endless. Without active education and discussion about the damage of stereotypes, they will never end. "We all use stereotypes all the time, without knowing it. We have met the enemy of equality and the enemy is us." This quote has had a major effect on me. Stereotypes exist and thrive in our everyday actions, yet we rarely ever recognize them or take the time to evaluate the damage they are causing. Because people of all ages, races, genders, religions are caught by this stereotype threat, we must talk about stereotypes and actively work towards shattering them. This is why I created Shattering Stereotypes. It is a platform where I post on Instagram and on my website, using blog posts written by myself or friends on labels we’ve faced to work to empower those who have been affected by stereotypes and educate those who have unintentionally encouraged them. To counteract how many people do not even realize they propel stereotypes, I have started reading books that break down stereotypes to kids in elementary schools, so that we can shatter stereotypes before they begin to stick. We must work to end stigmas. To help those that feel trapped to see the freedom to be whoever they want to be and achieve whatever they put their mind to. Don’t think that you cannot make a difference with stereotypes. You yourself may have been targeted by a certain stereotype, and instead of letting them trap you in, you can use your experience to help others break out of the box that stereotypes put us in. Some stereotypes follow us everywhere- school, work, sports teams, and everyday interactions. The constant presence of being judged by a stereotype can be exhausting, hurtful, frustrating, and discouraging. We can do our best to point out the stereotype to the perpetrator or try to ignore it, but this can be very difficult. So how do we emotionally and mentally deal with stereotypes in our lives? 1. TRY TO EDUCATE THE PERPETRATOR This may seem intimidating, but it does not have to be. A simple comment like "You know, not every girl/boy/etc. does that or feels that way" or "That is not true for me, and I'd rather you did not assume that." These attempts can either hit home if the person is open to the comments or will have no affect on their outlook. 2. IGNORE IT If we choose to ignore when stereotypical comments are made instead of validating them by a response, whether a nod or small laugh, we can show the perpetrators that no one agrees with them. 3. FIND YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM Sometimes these comments can get to us emotionally or mentally. If we can find a friend, family member, or adult that knows you well and loves and supports you, the mean comments will not cause as much damage to our self esteem. 4. REMEMBER WHO MADE YOU Unfortunately, we may go through times in our lives where we do not have a strong support system or one at all. This is when we must rely on God's unfailing love for us to keep us going. He knows every part of you and loves every single thing about you. He believes in you and knows you are capable. No mean comment can damage His view of you. Rejoice in that. If we keep the discussion on stereotypes relevant, we may never have to use these tips. Have conversations with friends about stereotypes you have all been affected by. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE. My stereotypers tried to limit me into being only what they thought I was capable of. They wanted me to validate their ideas that I could not make friends because I was interested in school or that I was completely inactive because I struggled with my weight. In reality, I am a beautiful plus-sized girl that dances competitively, tries my best to eat right, and will graduate as Valedictorian with a group of amazing friends by my side that love me for me. I am not a stereotype, and neither are you. Thank you.